111 Topics every couple should discuss before marriage

Marriage is an important part of a person’s life, both personally and socially. It is not just a social norm but most religions emphasize on its importance. Basically, marriage is a contract between a man and a woman, wherein both agree to spend their lives together and to share their responsibilities, happiness and good or bad times together. The basic purpose of marriage is to legitimize the relationship of a man and a woman for society so that the children that they bear are legitimate and socially acknowledged. It is also a way of diminishing the insecurity either of the man or women may have with respect to the sustainability of their relationship. In Saudi culture, as per the Islamic principles, marriage is a very important and necessary part of a person’s life. It may take place between an unmarried man and woman, presently married man and woman or previously divorced or widowed man and woman. Hence there are many things that both might wish to discuss with each other prior to getting married or many questions one may need to ask. Only then can a person decide whether they are good for each other or not. In KSA, many Saudi families allow the couple to have chaperoned private time where they may openly discuss whatsoever they wish to do so. This is necessary as the main reason people get divorced is on the grounds of “not being compatible” with each other. If they are given proper time and opportunity to get to know each other more before saying yes, then the unfortunate event of a divorce can be prevented.

What to know before Marriage? Now one may wish to get to know the other person more but does not know what exactly to ask or talk about. Well, here are some guidelines to basic things that you should know about your partner and certain topics you might want to discuss. One might need to know, initially, what background the other person belongs to and has been brought up in. This gives great insight into what type of a person one is. Where a person lives also gives us information about his values and in turn, his expectations from you. Many people believe that the most important factor for a successful relationship is that the mental caliber or level of both should be on the same frequency. This would guarantee that you two would get along, well for most of the time at least.

Another important thing that we look for in an ideal partner is his or her sense of humor. This is something that is almost universal. I mean I have personally never met a person who dislikes a good sense of humor. It greatly adds to the overall personality of an individual. When two people are together then there are certainly some things that one person is good at which the other is not. That is the whole point of a great relationship! That one person fills in the gaps of the other and vice versa. Usually, men have better instincts in decision making than women as they are capable of thinking rationally and make practical decisions, which is why they are called the Head of the family.

Another important factor for a good match is religious background. If two people have a common religious background then both would think on the same page and there would be lesser chances of confrontation or argument on this topic. As it is a very sensitive issue hence people usually prefer marrying people with similar religious inclinations. A very important quality that a person has is broad-mindedness or level of openness to various discussions. If a person is broad-minded, he would be open to hearing other people’s opinions and beliefs. Such people are easier to deal with and simultaneously rare to find. People are usually pretty obsessive about their choices and faith and are habitual of imposing it on others.

The next step in a marriage is children. Different people have a different opinion about having children. Some wish to not have children at all, some might want to wait for a little before progressing to the next big change whereas some are very eager to have children and wish to do so as soon as possible. For this, agreement of both parties constitutes an ideal situation. However, the openness comes in handy here where people learn to respect each others’ choices. Physical attraction is also very important to most people. In fact, some people consider it the most important factor in the selection of their life partner. No doubt, a person wishes to have the best for himself and a good looking partner certainly tops the list! But for some, it is an added bonus if the person is good looking, as they focus more on the other attributes such as ones mentioned above.

There are dozens of things that one may wish to know, and zillion questions that you might want to ask, but these basic questions and queries are the most important and main ones that you should know. Other things may include personal hygiene, habits, hobbies, the circle of friends, intellect, relationship with family members, cooking skills, social skills, favorites and many other preferences. If one is able to cover even half of these things then I think it would be enough to judge a person and determine whether he or she would be the ideal match for you!

Some Questions

1.Relationship Options and Goals

2.Family Background

3.Home Roots location and Culture

4.Family Values

5.Educational background

6.IQ indicators

7.Decision-making ability

8.Sense of humor

9.Verbal skills

10.Religious background/Tradition

11.Level of religious participation

12.Openness to religious discussions/learning

13.Personal Faith

14.Children

15.Relationship with children

16.Parenting skills

17.Parenting styles

18.Pets

19.Work background

20.Current living situation (own/renting – house/apt etc)

21.income level

22.Personal Health issues

23.Physical Attraction

24.Physical Preferences

25.Physical Turn-offs

26.Definition of Intimacy

27.Desire for Intimacy

28.Capacity for intimacy

29.Sexual Experience

30.Sexual Preferences

31.Sexual Desires

32.Previous relationships

33.Relationship(s) with X’s

34.Bad or Repulsive habits

35.Pet peeves

36.Meyers-Briggs Temperament Type

37.Biorhythm Cycle

  1. Biorhythm compatibility
  2. Intellectual – 60% Ideal
  3. Physical – 60% Ideal

iii.    Emotional – 80% Ideal

  1. Overall – 80% ideal

38.Match.com personality type

39.Hobbies

40.Circle of Friends

41.Relationship with Father

42.Relationship with Mother

43.Relationship with Siblings

44.Previous personal Crises encountered and endured

45.Any Healing/Grieving processes not completed

46.Personal Hygiene Standards & values

47.Physical Conditioning standards & values

48.Any health problems or limitations? (revisit this again at later phases In the relationship)

49.Cooking skills

50.Entertaining skills

51.Expressed Social skills

52.Observed Social skills,

53.Past Huge Emotional Events – life changing level

54.Unfinished business – personal emotional, legal, financial actions that are still unresolved.

55.Favorite foods

56.Favorite colors

57.Clothing style preferences

58.Income needs to support style of living

59.Financial stability

60.Tax returns

61.Personal Values

62.Personal Crusades

63.Personal Prejudices’

64.Personal Passions

65.Personal Political views/passions

66.Values indicated by the lifestyles and habits of your children

67.Relationship with your children

68.Importance of family

69.Your Interaction with my family

70.Your acceptance of my family – as they are

71.My families acceptance of you

72.Pets acceptance of you

73.Your acceptance of my pet(s)

74.Temper/Anger management

75.Argument/fighting skills/styles

76.Emotional “Hot Buttons”

77.Any Baggage

78.Preferred Living situation

79.Realistic Living expectations

80.Personal Dreams/Goals and Aspirations

81.Willingness to relocate

82.Willingness to commit

83.Number of previous LTR’s

84.Longest relationship – what kept it together?

85.Strongest relationship – How and why was it so?

86.Number of previous engagements

87.Number of previous marriages

88.On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest, how attracted are you to me?

89.On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest, how willing are you to commit to being exclusive in our relationship?

90.On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest, how accepting would you be “at this time” to a proposal of marriage, if one was made?

91.Divorce Redlines/Limits – what things would you divorce your spouse for?. .physical abuse? …Drug addiction?  & HOW does this reconcile with Forgiveness Promise?

  1. Taste in Art, Furniture, Decorating and Architecture

93.Attraction to others outside the relationship, including porn

94.Man Toys (Boat, Cycles, Others)

95.Guns at home

96.Division of Household Chores

97.Roles in Marriage

98.Movies

99.TV habits

100.Ideal Vacation, Travel

101.Jealousy

102.Books

103.Retirement Goals

104.Arrests/Illegal Activities/ Drug use

105.Handling Money

106.Bucket List

107.Personal History of Faithfulness to partners in the past.

108.Love Language

109.Birth Date

110.Sporting Activities and Viewing

111.How/where and with whom do you celebrate major holidays.